more sleep talkin man

I feel like such a sucker for being such a sucker for this site, not to mention writing about it again, but I am. Suckahhh. I like the silly, imperious fuck-off-ness of the dude's sleep talking, although it adds a a funny element when he rambles in fatty themes too, some of which are collected here for your pleasure:

"My butt cheeks are for squeezing. Go on, take a handful. Take two."

"All I want out of life is ice cream and cuddles. Is it too much to ask? Is it?"

"I need it soft. I'm talkin' marshmallow kind of soft. Lay me down and let me just sink in. That's what I'm talkin' about."

"Whoever invented calories is gonna get their face fucked with ice cream cake."

"If you want me to be honest, then I have to say, your arse makes those jeans look small... Well, you did ask."

"It's cake o'clock! All day long."

"They're not love handles. No. I've got love impact protection barriers."

"Well, so what you call me fat. I'll forget you even existed the next time I see a doughnut."

"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."

"I'm just a chubby ninja. Able to move between skinny people. Tiptoeing elephant. No one can see me. And then I attack! With ice cream and jelly, with chocolate sprinkles on top. Mmmmm."

"There's only one thing that comes as close as being as fantastic as me, and that's my reflection. All hail the beautiful mirror. Wow."

"Kiss me. Tastes good, doesn't it. Why don't you go back and have a second helping? Be greedy."